Bridging the Gap: 5 Insights Teens Wish Parents Knew

Are you ready to crack the code of connecting with your teen? Discover five teen-tested strategies that reshaped our parenting experience and strengthened our connections.

Hey there, fellow parents of teens! Let’s talk about something we all wrestle with: how to better connect with these mysterious, ever-changing young adults who used to be our little kids.

Gone are the days of simple bedtime stories, fish crackers and playdates. Now, many of us are navigating mood swings, a whole lot of “whatever’s,” and maybe even some slamming doors. But fear not! I’ve got five teen-approved tips to help ease the stress of parenting and strengthen the bond before they leave the nest.  Besides getting the seal of approval from my kids Mia and Dylan, these are insights I’ve gleaned from a few great parenting resources referenced below.  Let’s get to it! 

1. Play Isn’t Just for Little Kids

Our teens may act like they’re too cool to play, but I find it’s all about picking the right game. Maybe it’s not hide and seek anymore (or maybe it is, no judgment here!), but finding that common ground in a video game battle or shooting hoops can be magic. It’s about sharing a laugh, not mastering the game. Pro tip: Let them win sometimes. If you’re like me, that won’t be a problem!

2. Learn Something New Together – And Maybe Fail a Bit

Ever tried to learn a new language or cook a dish from a country you can’t pronounce? Do it with your teen. Trust me, nothing bonds like mutual confusion and the occasional epic fail. It’s a great equalizer – showing them that Mom or Dad can be a clueless learner too. Plus, it’s a sneaky way to spend time together without making it seem like a Big Family Moment. 

I’m currently trying to relearn Spanish with my teens using the Duolingo app – it’s a great way of combining learning together with gamification. And they just love it when they leave me in the dust on the app. 

3. Listen – Like, Actually Listen

Here’s the deal: our teens have a lot going on in their heads. I’m not sure I’d want to be a teen right now with all of the challenges they face. So when they want to talk, that’s our cue to zip it and listen. Not half-listen while scrolling through emails. Real listening. Sometimes they’re not looking for solutions, just an ear. Pro tip:  Ask if they want you to just listen or offer advice. It’s natural to want to offer guidance but anytime you can ask open ended questions and let them work through their issues, it builds up their mental strength and problem-solving skills. 

If there is something specific you want to talk about and you meet resistance, try broaching the subject in the car. The lack of eye contact can sometimes help teens to loosen up and share a bit more willingly.

4. Be Their Cheerleader, Even When They Stumble

Remember when they took their first steps and we clapped like they’d just won a Nobel? Teens need that cheerleading too, just less of the ‘aww’ and more of the ‘you got this’. Acknowledge their efforts and their struggles, and let them know you’re there, pom-poms in hand, even when things don’t go as planned. According to Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, shielding kids from pain teaches them they can’t handle discomfort. Instead, she provides techniques to teach your child how to process and overcome painful situations. Struggle is a part of life and when your teen gets through hard times, it helps them grow stronger.  

5. Own Your Mess-Ups

We have made our fair share of mistakes navigating parenthood. No one is perfect, and our kids need to see this. Share your own blunders with your teen. Talk about that time you flunked a test or made a decision that wasn’t the best. It shows them that life goes on, even after a mess-up, and it’s all part of the ride. More importantly, when you say something to your teen that you regret, apologize. 

“Apologizing to our children when we have violated their spirit is one of the most healing experiences for their growth. It teaches them humility and respect.” — Dr. Shefali Tsabary 

Connecting with our teens can be challenging and if there are significant issues, that’s when it makes sense to seek professional help. I recently came across Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist who offers a support community for parents called Good Inside.  Per her website, her mission is to break down big parenting topics into simple, actionable strategies parents can actually use. She claims, “by focusing on the parent behind the parenting and the child behind the behavior, we help families heal — bringing out the good inside everyone.”

Overall, it’s about being there, being real, and remembering what it was like to be their age — with the added complexity of social media. They’re figuring out life, and aren’t we all? Before we know it, they’ll be all grown up and we’ll miss these crazy days.

Recommended resources:

1.  How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk
2.  The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children
3.  Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be