Remembering Ellie: Honoring a Loved One and Learning from Grief

This post honors my niece Ellie, who we miss every day. By sharing our family’s journey through grief, I hope to offer some comfort and understanding to those dealing with loss. 

Two years ago today, we lost my beautiful niece Ellie. She was 17. Losing her so suddenly left us in shock and with a deep void in our lives. But as difficult as it is to write this post, I also want to share what this journey through grief has taught us. We’re still finding our way through it, and by sharing, I hope we might offer some comfort to others who are walking a similar path.

Ellie was a true light for everyone who knew her. This is clear from the touching messages and memories on her memorial website. Last October, someone who didn’t even know Ellie left this heartfelt message: “I never knew Ellie, but stumbling across this memorial site, it’s clear she was dearly loved. The tributes here paint the picture of a wonderful and beautiful human being.”  

This video was shared at her celebration of life (~9 min) — it captures her playful spirit and infectious laugh so well. Many of the clips were from our summers together — despite living so far away, we had a tradition of getting the cousins together every year and I’m so grateful we had that special time together.

Navigating Grief

Anyone who has experienced a profound loss knows how deep and personal grief is. It doesn’t just fade with time; it changes you. Every holiday and milestone is a reminder of what we’ve lost, yet through this, my sister and brother-in-law’s strength and grace have been nothing short of inspiring.

My sister Darcie, an Occupational Therapist, pours her heart into helping children with special needs. Her dedication is a testament to her immense kindness and generosity. My brother-in-law Patrick, focuses on the little things that bring joy, like cooking delicious meals and building a supportive home environment (which I like to visit as often as possible). And my nephew Cole, now a college sophomore, has found a passion and skill for rock climbing, which speaks volumes about his resilience and growth.

I’ve learned that there’s no “fixing” grief. In searching for ways to better support my family, I discovered Megan Devine’s book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK. Her words have offered a sobering perspective. She teaches that grief is a natural response to loss, one that shouldn’t be rushed or dismissed but honored and understood.

Insights on Grief:

Acknowledging Grief: It’s not a problem to be solved but a profound experience that shapes who we are.

The Myth of Stages: Forget the predictable stages; grief is more like a sea with its ebbs and flows.

Support Systems: The support of friends and family who let us grieve without judgment is invaluable.

Grief Is Unique: Every person’s grief journey is their own. Respecting that is crucial.

Self-Care in Grief: It’s vital to look after your own well-being as you navigate grief.

Ongoing Connection: Keeping the memory of loved ones alive helps many in their grief.

The Role of Society: We need a societal shift to better understand and accept grief as a part of life.

Spreading Kindness with Ellie

Ellie had so many gifts but most of all, she had deep empathy for people who struggled. At her celebration of life, everyone shared memories that showed just how caring she was. To keep her legacy alive, Darcie and Patrick shared stickers with her high school classmates to encourage spreading messages of kindness. You can join in by downloading the sticker here or sharing examples of kindness on Instagram with the tag @spreadkindnesswithellie.

As we continue to navigate life after such a loss, we’ve learned that grief is a profound expression of love. It’s about living with the loss, not getting over it. We honor Ellie by embracing this journey with compassion and understanding, and we invite you to share and spread kindness in her memory. She showed us how even the smallest acts can leave a lasting impression.

Thank you for being part of our journey of remembrance and resilience.

With love and gratitude,